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Wednesday, July 27th, 2005
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11:24 pm - Sheets
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Red
When I walk into my room I like my sheets
to speak first
I only have crimson sheets
Blood red
They tell me how their afternoons pass without love
Without passion
They cry out
Lure me into sacrifices
I make sacrifices for our love
The bed and I
Keep all the secrets
Just like the priest in his confessional
Bare on this alter bed
I cleanse my mind of any thought
But your intensity
Stripes on my backside
Scars
This bed is the easiest sacrifice
The quickest way to heaven
And this bed is the river of blood
The surest way to hell
Dolltony 7/27/06
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, May 23rd, 2005
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3:07 pm - One for the future...
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He’s Always Naked
In my dreams
He’s always naked
Not needing the thinnest layer of protection
From each other
We fall in love backwards
Loving from the inside out
Preferring the intimacy of the heart and mind
Before the body
He says “with you, I believe I’ve experienced the perfect kiss”
And I find the scar he tries to hide under his ball-cap
Priceless terrain that I’ve memorized and mapped
Before I was enlightened to this love
I hid my curves under layers of gut-suckers and sturdy foundations
Until he said “your body has it’s own rhapsody, it’s own shape of heaven”
Then I allowed myself to live
In black lace panties
Or go commando to parties
I gave up caffeine
Because he’s my addictive stimulant, honey
My morning wake up call
The charge to my system that keep my veins humming
And best part of all is
He’s always naked
In my dreams
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(comment on this)
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2:29 pm - One for the past (and those who have taken both marital plunges)...
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ADULT DEATH DROP
Did you know that
Every time we fly
I
Medicate myself
With you
Addictive stimulant
You
Are my addicts high
Your cock my syringe
Full of intense escape
This our rainbow shame
See, the rip the cord is gone
From the parachute of love
One too many used
Condom jumps
Have driven me up
To heights of insanity
So push me over
That “legal” limit
Out without
So much as a kiss
Your small talk
Isn’t much of a hit
Next to this
Divorce
Is a weight
Less death
Drop
To
Ashes,
Ashes
We fall
Down
Explanation: Poems sometimes take on a meaning of their own accord. When I set out to write this piece, believe it or not, I wanted to write one about the man I'm looking for, the love around the corner (see: He's Always Naked). But all I could seem to manage was a regret of a man that I had a crush on and our "friends with benefits" relationship. So the first part of the poem was originally about insult of being hooked on those intense yet empty encounters. But as I began the second part of the piece I realized it was just as much, if not more, about the end of a relationship involving divorce. You want it to keep going on, even though it's not healthy in the least.
The legal limit then, refers to the technical end of the relationship when lawyers legalize your marriage so far out the ugly hole, you avoid each other and would rather take physical pain than speak again. Because nothing is like it was. Everything spirals down. Sometimes it's the gigantic, heavy weight you carry and othertimes, you feel like it's a dream and you're weightless...floating. Then it's the relief of it being over. But whatever way you look at it...it's the end...of something.
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| Friday, May 20th, 2005
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1:33 am - To Market To Mark it...
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He said "market weight is 220-230"
He's 6'2 and he didn't want to hit it
I shivered remembering the songs about fat
Baptist girls in college...
Something about hogs and gaining the freshman 15
I should be slaughtered by now
"To market to market to buy a fat hog
Home again, home again jiggity jog"
He said "market weight is 220-230"
I remember the time my sister saw a
woman well above slaughter size
without thinking she turned to me and said
"look Heather, there's your twin!"
I should be slaughtered by now
"To market to market to buy a fat pig
Home again, home again jiggity jig"
He said "market weight is 220-230"
I put on my weekly mud mask
Thinking this was too close to home
Second nature to be schlepping around in mud
I could hear my southern stepmom whisper
"Ya'll be hangin hogs here soon"
I looked in the mirror to see if
There was a ring in my snout
I squealed with delight
Thinking I was safe
I checked my weight a final time
And then went to mark it
Down
Dolltony
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, May 16th, 2005
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10:41 am - "Michael My Elusive Soulmate"
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I've got plans, my love. Plans that shouldn't build hours in for you. Waiting, searching, dreaming. Sometimes that's the only way to connect...to shut out the buzzing world and find you in dreams.
I can't say I've given you too much or this is costing me more than I'm willing to pay. I cannot tell you to hurry. The soulmate reader told me straight...we might never connect.
I don't live that way though. I live like you're in the next building waiting to discover me. I walk out slowly, check my gait...it's not latched. Come to me!
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| Sunday, April 17th, 2005
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9:58 am - Lover
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"Being a good lover, I believe, is more a trine than a singular concept.
One-third is chemistry - the way someone smells and looks and feels. Can't really change that. NOT tied to cultural ideas of "attractiveness" - pheremones and personality are what draw me, not body shape. Never found appearance to correlate to fun in bed. Good hygiene and well-dressed improve anyone's attractiveness and shouldn't be neglected, but that's about all you can do - the majority is just there or not.
One-third is skill - which is primarily sensitivity to your own and your partner's responses, and a willingness to heed them. Don't get a routine, don't assume that what works for one person will work for another, don't deny the things you want to do because you think your partner might not like them and vice versa. Be attentive, attuned, and amenable.
One-third is synergy. The way your partner reacts to you colors everything. Willing participation and enthusiasm, matching kinks, matching quirks, pacing preferences. You can be mediocre with one person and excellent with another.
Skill and chemistry.
The rest of being a good lover is up to your partner."
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| Friday, April 15th, 2005
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12:34 am - tick tick tock
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Even the fertile moments that separate us
Are mating
The world in her heels stepped out
Left us waiting
On her next big turn
Hanging our cotton dreams
On be-mused lines
We call out for each other
Your poetry and mine
Hearing but eloquent miscarriages
Only the fated mother
Of you and I
Knows when she is ready
To sing her soulmated cry
Of our birth-day Love
(come)
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, April 11th, 2005
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4:06 am - Gacked quiz from Escondido (note the time I took it)
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1. Who was the last person you met off the internet? bachelor #12
2. What is the longest you've gone without sleep? Routinely (in high school when I worked as a CNA), I'd wake up Friday morning 5:30am for show choir, go from a full school day to my US Academic Decathlon meeting straight into Storybook (touring theatre company) practice, straight to work 2 hours drive away 11pm-7am, then to my boyfriend's and back to work 11pm-7am, drive to Sunday school back home at 9am, through morning worship to finally collapse in bed at 12:30pm Sunday afternoon!
3. When was the last time you had cookies and milk? a few years ago when my sis made em (she's incredible!)
4. Favorite cereal? not a cereal girl
5. One thing you said as a child that got you into trouble? I thought I was being cute when I made up the joke "Where does a man's hotdog go?" (answer: in a woman's bun) I was 9ish and I told the joke to my aunt who told my dad, NOT Goooooooood.
6. When was the last time you were spanked? confession: this evening with a spatula during a spatula/fake sword fight (too fun)
7. Can you burp on command? I'm firstborn, I don't take commands unless they're from a very sexy spanking Dom.
8. Last time you had a burp that rated high on the burp scale? not
9. If you were to get plastic surgery on just on part of your body, which would it be? My chinny-chin-chins
10. Favorite sexual position? bent over a man's knees, bared, in his total and complete control (OTK)
11. If you could be one of the seven dwarfs, which would you be? NOT Bashful
12. What would be your one regret if you were to be struck by lightning and die right now? That I didn't go the way I've prayed I would all my life (just after climaxing with my beloved)
14. Favorite commercial? don't watch TV
15. Did you notice, there's no 13? Yes
16. Who did you last go camping with? immediate and extended family. I grew up camping. Can't wait to sleeping bag it on a hill under the canopy of stars one day...
17. Ever met anyone famous? Kerouac's buddy, Gary Snyder, last month! (^5 to my best girlfriend for taking me!)
18. Who is your favorite Batman? is this a sexual question?
19. What was your favorite childhood cartoon? Bugs and Daffy in the sword fight, "Ho, ha ha! Guard! Turn! Perry! Dodge! Spin! ha!!! Thrust! Doiiiiiiiinnnnnnng (metal on metal)"
20. Have you ever slept in a car? yyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeessssssssss ohhhhhhhhh yesssssssss
21. Ever laid down in the tall grass and done your stuff? I would "do it" here or there, I would "do it" anywhere
22. What kind of undies do you prefer? cheeky black lace panties (half the cheek is hidden, half the cheek is not!)
23. Last place you went on a road trip to? OMAHA BABY!!!!!! Poetry slam!
22. Favorite Michael Jackson song. I still can't believe I did a baton routine to BEAT IT (opening talent show act, 6th grade...I was high on Elmer's)
23. Who was the first person you kissed? Jared Hanlin, 3rd grade. He serenaded me with a mic in art class and ended it with a kiss (rockkkkkkkkkkkkk!)
24. Who was the last person you kissed? bachelor #12
25. Infinity, Caddy, Mercedes, or BMW? (pick just one) BMW
26. Favorite SNL sketch? never seen it
27. What was the last thing you wished for? my soul mate
28. How expensive were the last pair of shoes you bought? free!(gram had a $35 off coupon)
29. Name one thing you've purchased and never used, but keep telling yourself you're gonna. webcam (!*&%$#@% thing)
30. Quote a movie: "When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then it subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision, you have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you two should ever part, because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness; it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day, it's not laying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No, that is just being in love, which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love, itself, is what is left over when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting does it? But it is." Captiain Corelli's Mandolin
31. Favorite Pjs? nude
32. Have you ever gotten a fortune from a fortune cookie that you kept? I have one in my purse that I've gotten several times this year
33. If so, what did it say? "you will do well to expand your business" hmmmmmmmmmm
34. Favorite candy bar? melts in your mouth, not in your hands (oh wait, you didn't mean HIM?!)
35. Have you ever traveled outside the USA? not yet
36. What's a wierd thing that you collect? slam poet chapbooks (slammers are ALL wierd!)
37. Name an embarassing moment: 7th grade co-ed gym class. My bra broke doing jumping jacks. Had to go to the teach leading the exercises in front of the 60+ class, with my arms crossed over myself, to ask for safety pins (mannnnnnnnnn!)
38. Who's the funniest person you know? Walmart Dan
39. Who's the meanest? there was the bus bully who picked little kids and my sis in 4th grade. I punched her (parents made me formally apologize, but she never touched my sis again!)
40. Is it possible to have more than one best friend? it is possible to love more than one person simultaneously, it is possible to love your children equally. But I got the best girlfriend ever who'll be my ROOMMATE in just 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!
41. What is your favorite picture of yourself? I'm putting it on my gravestone, no matter what age I die. You'll have to wait and see. Bring white roses (wink)
42. Do you think you're a good person? in bed (wink wink)
43. Do you think others do? Does it matter? They're left senseless, so they can't form an opinion (cough, choke, giggle)
44. What's the worst pick up line you've heard? "Hey baby, I like how your legs go up and make an ass of themselves!"
45. Who was the last person you were mad at? myself, for being momentarily mad (see last post)
47. What's the worst medicine you've ever had? that would be bachelor #2
48. Who's your favorite comedian? Robin Williams addict
49. Johnny Depp: Hot or Not? who?
50. Does size matter? sex is 90% mental, 10% sweat. The capacity of his creativity/imagination/intellect matters
51. Do you have a "type"? Type A (positive) (so spank me)
52. What's one non-sexual feature that always turns you on? writers with cleancut fingernails
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 28th, 2005
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12:51 pm - True...
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The moment I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you,
Not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers do not finally meet somewhere.
They are in each other all along.
Rumi
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(comment on this)
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12:48 pm - For that one guy
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After all this
I decided to lie
in front of you
and smile up
A thousand conversations
led me
down here
trimming your nails
washing your feet with
our tears
drying them in
waist deep
hair
giving you more
than my fear
despair
But you only see
me play
smooth
gloss my lips
beg for a kiss
low down
shut out
left
with all these
unfinished birdhouses
and your
dried up
paint
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, March 27th, 2005
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10:47 am - Dreaming again...
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I'm a "cloth flipper", but I want to be "brick flipper"! A house of bricks or rather houseS (plural).
flipper:
A trader who attempts to make a small profit by very quick in-and-out buying and selling
This is my calling! It's what I do best, what I'm passionate about, but I need to kick it up a notch, get into real estate.
I want to take dozens of classes:
-how to install ceramic tile flooring
-basic plumbing (installing new fixtures)
-home "staging"
-eventually go for a real estate license
Now where's my helpmeet?
this is WANT in my guy:
*alpha male/leader
*can swing a hammer ("handy" would be nice)
*willing to take risks (adventurous)
*intellectually stimulating (deep thinker, communicative)
*appreciates words (writer/likes poetry = endless bonus points)
*open to domestic discipline (giving, I'm so naughty!)
*intense lover (can you say passionate, or at least high libido)
---------------------------------------------
this is what I DREAM:
*large
*dark curly hair
*word lover
*believer
*has a commanding presence
*loves to kiss
*aspires to travel
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 21st, 2005
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8:46 am - Meeting Matthew (Griffine & Sabine)
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now that our lips have met
I know that nebulous rendezvous
where the ethereal gray cloud
envelops the slate mountain
you whispered in my ear
the story of Matthew and Isabella
raconteur fantastique
and shining eyes
beneath raging thighs
seducing moans with
effervescent words
you danced and scintillated
as the performance began
a complex abstract painting
of an old Dante allegory
inducing in me a beloved
emotional diaspora, draining
me of
everything
but
you
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, March 18th, 2005
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10:22 am - Porque?
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Even with this alluring correspondence, I find myself lonely.
Just having flesh emanating heat in the same room is enough to dispel the solidarity of lonliness.
I am never alone, yet without the wick of my passion burning, I feel like I'm sitting in the snow in the middle of a cornfield somewhere remote (oh wait, this is Iowa)...
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9:54 am - "Griffin & Sabine" email this week (domestic and international)
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INTERNATIONAL:
March 15th:
Dear Passion,
It is here, my bed, on which I dream you
And here, I want you
To make my poems touch
Your heart
And pour love in words
Across the waves of the air to you
You are wonder of Nature
Beautiful woman
Well, I´m a single man, age 47 in Venezuela. Dreamer. I teach mathematics. Hyspanic face, eyes: brown. I´m an outgoing person but can be shy sometimes. I
like go to nice restorante with candle and wine . I am good listener but also like
talking. I love music, movie, art and most important: I love you.
___________________________________________________________________________________
March 17th:
The World is silenced
and the poetry and the beauty
become your naked skin
~ Alejandro
___________________________________________________________________________________
I wrote back:
Dear Alejandro...
Did you write that? Let's make it haiku! 5-7-5 Like this:
The world is silenced
And poetry and beauty
Are your naked skin
A haiku now for you...
I worship the hands
That kiss my poetic heart
And burn my heavens
Passion
DOMESTIC:
On 03/15/2005 05:00 pm CST
Mathew is looking for Isabella de Reims.
Reply so I can forward pics. I believe we'd have a lot to talk about. Hope to hear from you soon.
_________________________________________________________________________________
March 17th
Isabella...
You still have me shaking from last night. The release was exquisite. Hope we can control ourselves, a bit better, when we meet...or we'll get a lot of strange looks on the center of the bridge. I look forward to our next conversation.
don't forget my email,
Matthew...
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| Sunday, March 13th, 2005
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2:11 pm - For that guy I don't want to write about
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Secret Superhero
Am I alone in this blackholed night
Worshipping your efflulgent mind?
Mistaken your lover, my passion-winged brother,
This just isn't turning out right
I came to kneel on your cloudy robe stair
To take down notes, to learn
How to burn the heavens and round the sun thrice
Love said it was nearly my turn
When I saw the gleam in your eye
In the midst of that poem
I knew you had done it
Your cover was blown
Though you tell me you're done
Dropping stars to the earth
Down with love's mess
Done getting hurt
Now where you see a mortal
I see a hero who says 'nothing of value', my dear
But friend you're so high
You can't see the ground
To know what we worship down here
So you peel back that coat, you toss off that hat
and you fight for that heaven you've seen
You pick yourself up, glue love's wings back on
Cause you're starting to kryptonite me
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| Friday, March 11th, 2005
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10:04 pm - My sis
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Touch and go with my sister. She is in preterm labor. Her daughter (only child) was born 8 years ago in the 24th week of pregnancy. My niece weighed 1 lb 10 oz., she was in the hospital most of the first year of her life. It was a sleepless year for everyone related. I went to the NICU daily. No one wants to go through it again. But here we are at the 20th week facing that possibility. I cancelled my trip to DC this weekend, lost $400 in nonrefundable, nontransferable flight and hotel reservations. I'm taking shifts with my mom to keep her off her feet in bed for the next few weeks. We have a countdown calender til the 29th of April. If she can hold out til the 26th week the baby is fully formed, it just grows from there. If she holds on til the 23rd week, there's a slight chance. If we make it to the 24th week we're in the 50/50 situation we were in last time...first hurdle to get the breathing tube down the tiny underdeveloped lung (if that fails, there's no chance), one layer of skin, entire hands the size of my thumbnail, whole baby the size of my hand. That was so scary. I remember the day her heart stopped 6 times in her 5th month of life, we were all called in to say our good-byes. She made though and is 8 now, my daughter's favorite playmate/cousin/friend.
I saw the ultrasound today. He's so perfect. Tiny little hands, formed, human, obviously a beautiful baby. You can't call him a fetus, though they still abort babies that far along. He's our little Colin. My 2nd nephew. Hang in there little honey...hang tough. We're praying for you.
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8:25 am - Because someone asked who I was looking for...
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Naming My Soul Mate (draft #1)
Ask me again who he is and I'll tell you
He knows know that our breaths count, for each other
That Maury was right, we must "love one another or perish"
He loves words, collects and gifts them
Lines them up in bouquets of white roses
Holds them up to the moon and names them
Before weaving them in whispers throughout my hair
He's a ringlet of night around a gasp of masculinity
The Godiva I've hid from my girlfriends
And slowest jam I've ever danced to
He's my book of 100 goals and Life Experiences
The legacy I'm leaving my grandchildren
To say "look here, she reallllllllllly lived!"
He's not a number after a sign on a Friday paycheck
Not an age after a song on a day of the year
Not a color after a rainstorm, white or black
But he's the unwritten words of this poem
He's the ink in the sweetspot not on the list
He's the mantra of the troops coming home
And if you see him
Tell him I've left our light on
P. Dolltony
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, March 8th, 2005
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10:04 pm - For the coolest guy I know who wears a hat...
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Last night, midway through a rant
10:47 to be exact
You called me "honey"
I think it slipped
Between icy-hot thoughts of your ex
Or perhaps you say it often
To the other sex
But "honey"
You said it
To me
And in that silent melted joy
Of those two syllables
I allowed myself
To believe you
Wanted me
Drizzled across your tongue
Permeating your blood
Coating your thighs
I know it's not right
But I just wanted
To believe that you
Wanted
To say
What you said
When you named
A sweetness
That doesn't have to
Pretend
That it belongs to you
3/8/05
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, February 26th, 2005
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12:02 am - Palpatations of the Heart
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I checked my ebay tonight. Had a dozen questions to answer, checked auction statuses and was shocked. The Annieglass was at $118.99. I rechecked my max bid, thinking that someone had gotten my password. Nope, my max was 1,899.00! It was suppose to be 18.99. And I only went that high because they are in town and said they'd waive shipping and handling. I had to fill out a bid retraction. I can't believe it. Never had that happen in over 200 transactions. Crazy.
But that's not the biggest heart palpatation lately...
Here's the real one:
I got an email today from a man I had responded to, a virtual stranger, who said "I know I'm not going to be able to write anything as simple but amazing as you did. Maybe the degree with which I'm impressed with you would be better expressed by asking you if I could have the pleasure of driving three hours to take you to dinner this Saturday night?" I had said only 156 words to him in one email when he wrote that!
wow
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, February 21st, 2005
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9:37 am - Just a Guy who bought a book from me on Ebay and the conversation we had today...
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DK: hi how are you
DK: you sell on ebay right?
Passion: hi, good
Passion: I do
DK: i think i bought a book before
DK: i'm dave by the way
Passion: hi Dave, great to meet you
DK: are you busy listing now?
DK: my pleasure
Passion: no, just reading a friend's blog
Passion: what brings you to me?
DK: for some reason you were on my buddy list
DK: i can stop bugging you now though, i'm sure you have better things to do
Passion: I often wondered if ebayers ever got to be friends
Passion: no, tell me about yourself
Passion: it's my day off
DK: mine too
DK: ever write yourself
DK: or just sell
Passion: I write, but erotic poetry, and not to myself
DKCMICK: that sounds nice
DKCMICK: how erotic? soft?
DKCMICK: no hard porn lol
Passion: it's all relative
Passion: may I ask your age?
DK: sure i'm 39
Passion: what do you do that allows you to be off on a Monday?
DK: i'm actually on vacation
Passion: what do you do when you're not on vacation?
DK: regional manager for an auto firm
Passion: on the east coast?
DK: yes
Passion: what sort of book did I send you?
DK: do you date much?
Passion: I spoke with a wonderful man last night
DK: do you ever get worked up writing
DK: where you have to take care of yourself
DK: im not being perverted either
Passion: yes
DK: i like true type stories
DK: fantasies etc
DK: you must be very sexual then lol
Passion: what sort of book did you buy from me?
DK: just a random buy
Passion: you could be one of my friends or a man I've recently met, testing me
DK: testing you for what
Passion: to see if I talk to strangers
DK: well im really not but i can do whatever you wish lol
Passion: so describe what you look like
DK: im 6 ft 235 pds short hair blue eyes
DK: where you from
Passion: midwest
DK: i am married
DK: want to be honest
Passion: so why are you looking on the internet? is your wife not interested in sex any longer?
DK: married 14 years
DK: just like to flirt and meet people
DK: i really dont search the internet
DK: she never tries new things sexually
Passion: when is the last time you had sex with her?
DK: 2 days ago
Passion: did she just lay there or was she an active participant?
DK: it was ok
Passion: have you ever had an affair?
DK: no
DK: but its exciting though
Passion: of course it is
Passion: do you have children together?
DK: yes 3
DK: i wouldnt want to lose the marriage
DK: just flirt innocently
Passion: yeah, that would be a lot of child support
Passion: I write for people like you....in my poetry
I try to illuminate sexual creativity in hopes that people take ideas into their bedroom to relight their flame for their lifepartners
Passion: it never has to be boring, no matter how long you are married
Passion: does she email?
Passion: instant message?
DK: maybe why
Passion: you should ask her to send you naughty photos of herself....ask her to seduce you via email...or you should seduce her
DK: i must confess im very hard right now
Passion: you have to find a positive outlet with her...if you are turning to others to excite you, you need to work harder on your relationship
I'm not saying this to be hard, but america is divorcing at a phenomenal rate. The first step to an affair is allowing yourself to look. You're going down the path buddy and you can change that.
DK: i really wouldnt cheat
Passion: yeah, that's what all the pastors and men I've met have said before they did
Passion: of course you wouldn't plan to
but all men and women can be sexy to someone...
and the excitement and allure of finding that fire again, in the midst of a relationship that has cooled, can be overpowering
DK: ok stop it now lol
DK: can i keep you on my buddy list still?
Passion: as long as you don't go down the wrong path
Passion: enjoy your vacation
and remember, you have the power make your marriage what you ultimately want it to be
DK: thank you
Passion: anytime
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